Hear Angelique’s Story

Each contributing Colour Theory artist created an original essay or story to accompany their visual artwork. You can listen to the audio or scroll down to read. 

 Dear Friend

“Ange, do you think you’ve experienced racism?” I stutter to answer and my response is not adequate.

Dear friend,

You ask me if I can teach you to be a better ally. I’m not sure if I know the answer. It’s more than just a checklist that you find on the internet. You don’t know a lot about racism because you haven't been forced to think about it daily. That’s ok. We don’t have control over our skin colour. What we can control is growing our understanding of what it's like for others.

I started my anti-racism journey because I don’t know how to talk to you about this. It used to make me so uncomfortable that being with you made me feel more alone than actually being alone. Racism has affected me everyday since I was born. As I learn about what gives racism its power, I want to process my thoughts about it with you. But these conversations between us often go sour.

I wish I could prepare you for the uncomfortable feelings that will likely arise as we explore this topic. It’s really common for people to feel that they’ve done something wrong or that they're being blamed. Acknowledge your feelings and reactions to help you move forward. And I hope you move forward so we can walk together through this.

I’ve leaped so far in my anti-racism journey that, at times, the distance between us has been weird. I don’t want it to be weird. It takes a lot of courage to be the person in front talking about racism - especially being at the beginning of my journey. I don't know everything. I’m in a frenzy to learn and I'm just processing out loud as I go.

Through my facilitation work I talk to people about mindfully working against racism. People write to me sharing what resonated for them in their session. I’m often eager for the anonymous survey feedback hoping it’ll lead me to insights about a different way to approach you. Maybe then you'll be able to hear me in a way that doesn't hurt or offend you. If I can create a safe enough space, if I can increase my own anti-racist practice, if I speak more eloquently and intelligently... maybe then...

Many people want to support and join the conversation on anti-racism. But few want to be the person taking the brunt of the negativity and disbelief, or the person putting their foot in their mouth. It’s really challenging to live in a world that you can’t see. And learning to be a better ally will bring up some of those uncomfortable feelings when I share with you some of my experiences as a visible minority.

I’ve been told I can’t have something others around me have because I’m brown.

I was instructed to sit with all the coloured kids on the left side of the classroom.

I’ve been told that the adversity I was experiencing as a child was a part of my culture… so it continued.

I’ve been told it’s easier for me to lose weight because I have a petite Asian frame.

I’ve been asked numerous times if I’m my dad’s nurse or care worker.

I was given an "Indian" name that was purposely spoken in "drunken" gibberish by a white man, imitating an Indigenous person.

I’ve listened as the room I’m in achieves consensus on how scary and awkward it is to be the only white person in a crowd.

I’ve been told that people don’t even think of me as a coloured person because they don’t see colour. If they don’t see colour, they can’t begin to see my lifetime of racist experiences.

You are my friend and you matter to me. The compassion and empathy that I hold for you is what I bring to the experiences I had with these people. If you and I can admit that we still have a lot to learn, I’m sure of our ability to explore this together.

It’s ok if we learn something new that causes us to think differently about this than we did yesterday. We can become firmly rooted by exploring our own perspective and broaden our thinking by learning what it’s like for others. Let’s learn about my ethnic origin and yours - you aren’t simply white, you have cultural roots too. The land we’re on has a history we can learn about. We can make a recipe from another country, read a book or watch a movie by someone who’s a different race than us. Let’s check out cultural celebrations and other events. I know we’ll find so many ways to enjoy learning together.

Let me know what you think about this! I’m eager to hear from you.

❤ Ange