Hear Laura’s Story.

Each contributing Colour Theory artist created an original essay or story to accompany their visual artwork. You can listen to the audio or scroll down to read. 

Where are you from?

There comes a time when you realize that you are not like everyone else. Your skin is different, your hair is different, and the way you were raised isn’t the exact same as the other people around you. But are you treated differently because of this?

For some, this racism starts at a very young age. For me, it was certainly in elementary school that my peers had excluded me from activities based on the fact that I was “brown”. Even now, at twenty-six years old, I find it challenging to embrace my identity and culture as a Lebanese-Canadian woman while knowing that I am still treated differently based on the way I look. Have you ever asked someone, “where are you from”, when you actually meant to find out what their race or cultural background is? Since I’ve been asked this question enough times, I sometimes clarify “do you mean what is my race or cultural background, or where my family is from?”, and the response is usually a sheepish yes. I know that my friends who are white are almost never asked this layered question. I also know that telling someone I was born in southern Ontario isn’t going to answer their question when they are asking based on my appearance. Thus, I feel I must make a decision to either give the person the answer they are looking for - that I am half Lebanese - and move on with the conversation, or to take the time to educate them and question the motive of their inquiry in the first place. In the past, I usually answered that I am Lebanese and moved on. However, as I focus more on the ways I can challenge racism and learn from other BIPOC individuals, I am more recently inclined to point out the inappropriateness of the question, and attempt to educate the other person. This puts a risk on myself since people don’t always enjoy when you point out that they’ve done something wrong, but, I feel now that it is a necessary step to take in moving against racism.

Also, there is a weird hybrid space, between being “white” and being “brown” which I find myself in. Because I’m of mixed races between half Lebanese and half French-Canadian, there is exclusion that I experience from both groups. I believe that meetings and discussions such as this Colour Theory program, which bring together individuals from different racial and cultural backgrounds, are very beneficial in the fight against racism. For me, sharing experiences within this BIPOC group made me realize that although we are from different races and backgrounds, there are many similarities in the way others view and respond to our differences. Since talking about my race has been a new experience for me, hearing that others are having the same or similar interactions allowed me to open up further and dig deeper into my own understanding of the racism that I and others experience. While racism can be a very isolating experience, knowing that others are having the same interactions has made the experience more bearable since I no longer feel as isolated as before. In turn, this also motivates me to continue the dialogue with others.

Here, in the physical location of Victoria BC, located in the traditional Lekwungen territories, one of my biggest desires is to be an ally and a force of change and support to the local First Nations people whose land we occupy. While I will admit that I still struggle with finding ways to support this cause which actually make a difference, I have been dedicating myself to learning what is needed, and how I can help in a meaningful way.

When considering changes and challenges currently in the world in the face of racism, I have realized that we are at a point of opening the dialogues. There is no single explanation for racism still happening. There is no single answer to defy racism. What is important is that the conversations about racism become more common. Like learning anything new, this may be uncomfortable for some, including myself. If there is one major take-away from this Colour Theory program, it is the importance of starting and continuing the conversations because nothing will change if we don’t talk about it. Even if it is messy, even if it feels slow, just being present and listening with caring and authenticity and the intention to do good, is what is needed right now. The more the dialogue happens, the easier it flows and changes, and the more comfortable we can become with creating change against racism.