Hear Macayla’s Story.

Each contributing Colour Theory artist created an original essay or story to accompany their visual artwork. You can listen to the audio or scroll down to read. 

Believe Us

394 days. Or, one year and 29 days. That’s how long I managed to stay in a racist workplace.

A few years ago, I worked at a local non-profit that provides day programming to adults with developmental disabilities. From my first day, I recognized that this was a place that I would need to be cautious about. From my first interaction with a full-time non-supervisory staff, honestly.

I was being oriented to one of the team spaces when a colleague persistently pressured me to disclose where I was really from, although I repeatedly stated Victoria. Another co-worker joined in with annoyance to explain to me what she meant, as if I did not know. With two people hounding me, and on my first day, I decided to just give in and say I’m Cantonese. “Oh! Chinese, Japanese, Korean - it’s all the same to me!” Great.

From there it didn’t get much better. Whether it was being called the name of the only other East Asian employee by a white colleague I had already spoken to several times, or listening to white team members describe racialized clients as difficult, but white clients much more endearingly, I soon had enough.

I started to just focus on serving the clients. My supervisor asked me to create a 12-week Indigenous Studies curriculum so I could “teach them about totem poles.” Of course, since Lekwungen People and other Coast Salish Nations did not have totem poles, I taught them about house posts. I also taught them about land-based stories, ancestral food systems, residential schools, cultural resurgence, and more. As empathetic and bright people, the clients pieced together the bigger picture on their own. “Wait, if people lived here first and settlers took the land without even paying, then we should give the land back?” Some of them, unprompted by me, decided to write to Justin Trudeau about how they believe Indigenous children deserve clean drinking water and to learn their cultures.

According to the organization, this was unacceptable. I got called to my director’s office, where he reprimanded me for putting their government funding at risk. I was shocked. I got in trouble for respecting the clients’ wishes and allowing three adults to write their Prime Minister about human rights? Okay.

After about a year of working for this organization, I decided to ask for anti-racism training for all 100+ employees because I thought a systemic intervention would be the most helpful preventative measure for the organization. I was particularly thinking about the well-being of the five other employees of colour. I told my team coordinator and our director, the same one mentioned above, who called me into another meeting.

During the meeting, this white man made it clear that he did not think racism was a problem at the organization, especially due to the lack of reported incidents under the anti-bullying and harassment policy. I told him that I didn’t think most of the situations were intentionally harmful and I was not looking for punishment. Rather, I viewed it as a systemic problem that required training for everyone. I even offered to provide it. He asked for examples, and I gave some, but he denied that they were racist. Feeling a bit dejected, I tried to explain to him logically that we live in a society founded on racism that never went away, and I asked how he thought none of that racism entered into this workplace. At this point, I suppose he had enough because he abruptly ended the meeting, stating that we would need to talk about it another time with more managers and a union representative (all white) involved.

A week passed, I did not hear anything from him, and I gave my two week notice of resignation, citing an unsafe workplace for myself as a person of colour.

To be honest, I wish this story wasn’t true. I wish this large non-profit organization was as welcoming and inclusive as they proclaimed to be. I wish I did not face racial and ableist microaggressions while working there. I wish the full humanity of me and all the clients were upheld, affirmed, and celebrated. I wish the organization cared more about anti-racism than an image of being “not racist.” I wish that director could set aside his defensiveness to be able to fully listen to what I was saying and just believe me.

In a society that often shames, silences, and/or assails us for speaking up about our experiences of oppression, I urge you to please recognize our humanity and believe us.